i have reflected earlier in my life on what it would be like to be a grandmother in my youth i recall being frightened and horrified about the possibility really really im supposed to wear wraparounds long floral print dresses scarfs when it rains im supposed to put rubber shells over my wraparounds luckily those moments were fleeting easily discarded as fantasy improbable never will happen
the older i got the thought would occur more often i laffed when i convocated i would be a kookum with a degree in business administration with a concentration in health development i used to body build and run yah i would never grow old
these days i recall my grandparents more and more i regret not knowing them as people with their own issues and life experiences i never got the chance to have long conversations with them like adrianna does with me my paternal grandfather was the one i was closest with he was a tiny skinny man i remember dark skin and a big shock of white hair i remember that he never had a terse world for me was always happy to see me didnt mind talking to me about stuff spending time with me time passes and people tell me different things about him as a person i dont care really i didnt see that i can see his hygiene wasnt that greatest lol but he was always nice to me
my maternal grandfather died when i was ten him too he was always happy to see me and talk to me unfortunately my last memory of him is very very sad it involves him coming home i happened to be sleeping over with my cousin at his house he came home late my grandmother was mad at him for that i guess we could hear him moving around the house taking off his shoes sitting in his chair turning on the tv he got up one more time but he fell and he fell hard me and my cousin tried to jump outta bed to go help but my grandmother told us to stay in the room she was in the next bed we could hear him snoring for awhile and then we didn't hear him snoring anymore finally fell asleep next morning they wouldnt let us outta the bedroom because the ambulance attendants were removing his body one regret i have but i was just a kid who knew
my grandmothers i wasnt close with either of them i remember feeling welcomed by my paternal grandmother the one or two times i happened to see her thats a long story that i dont have the right to share but suffice it to say my dad wasnt really happy about her for the longest time but i do remember she made all of us mukluks one winter those were the coolest boots ever lol they had some hideous red uppers but they were comfy and warm my maternal grandmother i had more daily contact with i don't recall her ever happy to see me i recall her happy to see my other sisters i was a chubby kid with bad excema and a runny nose there were soooo many of us in the family maybe we got on her nerves sometimes english was not her first language and cree was not mine lots of things played into that situation
this brings us to me i have daily contact with adrianna shes my oldest granddaughter i was 39 when she was born she is gonna be 9 this year we talk i am always happy to see her i dont have daily contact with shaydee decklen or deleno they live on PMR i do call from time to time i have sent gifts i try to pop in at least twice a year i love them all sooo much i always light up when i see them i speak to them with respect i give them sticky messy candy and a coin or two everytime i see them i only have happy memories with all of them
grandparenthood is awesome it makes me so gloriously happy yesterday i had a little feast for my late stepson austin saddleback made great chicken soup and bannock and tea and pepsi and candy and doritos and bananas and grapes and players light cigarettes i made a plate for him and my late mother and went to place them in a clean place in nature for them to eat i know it all sounds so antiquated and superstitious but it is our culture and it gives me comfort it must give them comfort to see it too
anytime i do anything of a cultural nature i always think of my grandparents i used to worry that i would never get everything right but i have come to realize that it is the act that is important not so much the process the ends rather then the means i even bought sugarless hard candy yesterday and placed it in a tupperware bowl on my 50's looking kitchen table i have entertained the thought of getting a kookum dress made for myself for such events and wraparounds really wouldn't be soooo bad but i cant rock the head scarf i got a neck tattoo and a couple facial piercings lol i will continue to do my best in relaying my love for you and my children thats all i can do
